evolution is my goal

Heart racing, heat rising, short breath in my body. It takes a strength that I’m not sure I have to be able to resist the default to preach outwardly and instead look inward at myself honestly. It’s so easy to want to change others for my own convenience. Doing so requires that I find fault in them so that I can feel good about imposing myself. This is the shortcoming that I want to shift within myself. How can I be honest with myself without making excuses and comforting statements? It’s hard to tell the difference between something that truly supports me and helps me, versus a thing I’m using as a crutch. I was born as a person with the gift of voice, and there are times when I have grossly misused my voice. Meaning, I sang without purpose, I spoke without thinking, and I kept quiet when I should’ve spoken the truth. I used my voice to lie, to justify what I wanted, to blame others and highlight their shortcomings, to gain control, and to intimidate.

IshkaRa demonstrating KA’AT IBI

Although I have grown so much through my initiatic journey, I still see, through the situations and people that cross my path every day, how much more growth I need. Even in my own internal voice, I still have hypercritical and intolerant thoughts of myself. My voice is my gift, my crutch, and even my weapon. Let’s face it head on, IshkaRa. Up until now, I hadn’t been prepared to think clearly. Now, initiation has given me the tools to uncover the hidden depths within myself and apply honesty. Admitting these shortcomings makes me feel low, but if elevation is my goal and if I am to grow, these hard truths coming from my own voice supports and helps me to cleanse these impurities from my heart, body and mind. So here I am... faced with my own programming. It doesn't matter at this point where it came from, all that matters now is for me to bravely unplug.